Zenith Enterprises

Welcome to Zenith Enterprises, the kidnapping agency that ensures the well-being of your kidnap-ees.

If you want someone kidnapped, we’re the people for you! Zenith guarantees the safety all people kidnapped, save for some possible rope burns, sore throats from screaming, minor bruises, and sometimes constipation. All captives in our care will be fed nothing but tacos until the time of rescue.

Zenith also provides the unique service of varying levels of difficulty in rescuing the captive, customizable to your specifications. Want an easy rescue? Want to fight trolls? Want to solve riddles and have to jump over moving laser beams? We can do that! Just tell us exactly the kind of heroic experience you’re looking for, and we’ll make it happen.

Zenith Enterprises guarantees timely kidnappings and convenient locations. We are extremely punctual, down to the second. (Note that kidnapping high-security figures may require more time than relatively unimportant people.) The kidnap-ees will be held hostage in a secret location under our default security, unless otherwise specified.

Zenith Enterprises also offers a list of other services. Please take a look at the posts under the “Zenith Enterprises” category to learn more about our Kidnapping and Butler-Hiring agencies.

To request our inquire about our highly secretive services, leave a comment below and one of us will get back to you.


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