Mustard Eating (Part two)

Here continueth the epic adventure of The Ultra Awesome Mega Super Sparkling Shiny INTER-GALACTIC Radical Stupendous chocolate-dipped Geek Tournament of Olympic Proportions. I recommend you read events one, two, three , four, five, and part one of Mustard Eating (in that exact order) before reading this one. The Ninja Gang strongly supports chronological order. Event one: Switzerland’s Future Mecha Blaster (neutrality included) Event two:  Flashing Tulips Event three: The Performance of Doom Event four: LEROY JENKINS!!! Event five: So you think you’re an otaku…These can be found in the  Geek Tournament category for your perusing pleasure.

This is what mustard looks like, folks

Three people sat around a table, smoking cigarettes and glaring at each other intently. Of course, the cigarettes were just rolled up paper, and there was no smoke, but it was atmospheric. The dares had gone round and round the circle, like a merry-go-round, but none of them–not Hugo, nor Zepher, nor Quiche-kun–were willing to quit. Thus, we declared that each round after this, if someone didn’t quit, we would default to an tie-breaker. So the dares had to be more severe.

Who was the next one out? DUn, duN, DUN dun!!

It was. . .


Yup. The dare? French kiss Quijote, the rat terrier, who had spent most of that evening licking his unmentionables. Hugo, for once concerned for his own bodily health, politely declined.

Some of the other dares performed in pursuit of eternal fame and glory?

Quiche-kun went outside and walked around barefoot in the snow for a minute.

Zepher told Quiche-kun he was sexy and slapped his rear end. This might not seem like that big of a deal to you ordinary people, but Zepeher does not do this kind of thing on a regular basis.

Now we move on to the final round. Please play the following video while you read the rest of this post, as it will increase the dramatic tension and create an exciting atmosphere


Read at your own risk. If you read past this point, the Ninja Gang takes no responsibility for any mental scarring or anything of that sort. Note that the things done definitely qualify as GROSS and. . . well, we really don’t know what we were thinking now that we’re sane again. It’s very hard to fight the atmosphere.


So there we sat–little pieces of paper littered the entire living room. There were various things like jackets, Munchin cards, dice, and NERF guns scattered around the room. It was one o’clock in the morning. We stared at each other intently.  Who would win the Truth or Dare marathon?

It was decided that the two contestants would have no say in the final dares. And thus, Miss Demeanor, Hugo, and Raven rose from their places on the ground or draped over chairs, and walked into the Other Room.

“What should we make them do?” asked Hugo.

“I’m sick of the gross stuff,” Miss Demeanor said. “Let’s have them do something awkward, instead.”

“Awkward stuff won’t make either of them quit,” Raven pointed out. “It has to be really, really gross if you want them to quit.”

“Oh, oh, we could–” began Miss Demeanor.

“We can hear you, you know!” Zepher shouted from the living room.


“Alright, let’s go in here,” Hugo said, leading his friends into the kitchen, which provided absolutely no more sound barrier than whence they’d just come.

“How about one of them can eat–” Miss Demeanor began, again. Raven thrust her hand out.

“Stop! No more! I can’t take it. I shall have no part in this. ” And with that, she left, and waited in the room with Zepher and Quiche-kun for the sentence. However, since I, the narrator, am Raven, I can’t tell you the words exchanged between Hugo and Miss Demeanor during those dreadful, waiting minutes. I can only tell you that the two of them entered the living room giggling and snickering like they believed they had something brilliant. Whether that is true is completely up to the way you view brilliance. If you revel in the gross, the boorish, the rank, the crude, unsophisticated, voluptuous things of life, then they were brilliant indeed.

Each of the young imps took a piece of paper, and on it, wrote a dare.

Like Light Yagami in the Death Note

They slid the slips of paper into the middle of the coffee table. Zepher and Quiche-kun, sitting on the couch, reached for the same piece at once. They battled for it, like two high school boys over the last seat in a game of musical chairs, and Quiche-kun won.

But he probably wishes that he didn’t.

They opened their dares.

Zepher read aloud. “Stick your finger in your opponent’s ear, and smear the earwax on their face.”

“And yours, Quiche-kun?” Hugo prompted.

Quiche-kun answered, “Pick a booger out of your opponent’s nose and eat it.”

I, Raven, being probably the second-most-squeemish member of the Ninja Gang, did not watch past this point. Just know that both of them were so determined to win at this point that they did, in fact, complete said dares. Since they actually engaged in such disgusting behavior, everyone ran out of ideas to make them quit.

And so, in the end, it came down to a staring contest.

Zepher won. But she gave the win to Quiche-kun, because anyone actually watching this particular tournament event could tell that he was, by far, the most determined of the group to win at Truth or Dare.

And the final standings: (because just telling you right out would be boring, I’m going to give you some cryptic pictures, and you’ll have to figure out which of us they represent)

5th place:

4th place:

3rd place:

2nd place:

1st place:

Oh, clever little things, you figured it out, did you? Well, if you think you did, post in the comments and I’ll tell you if you’re right.


2 thoughts on “Mustard Eating (Part two)

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