Leroy Jenkins

Part four of the  The Ultra Awesome Mega Super Sparkling Shiny INTER-GALACTIC Radical Stupendous chocolate-dipped Geek Tournament of Olympic Proportions .

Event one: Switzerland’s Future Mecha Blaster (neutrality included) Event two:  Flashing Tulips   Event three: The Performance of Doom. The Ninja Gang recommends that you not be lazy, and waste some more of your time reading these other articles, which can be found in the Geek Tournament category.

So onto LEROY JENKINS!!! If you do not know who Leroy Jenkins is, the following link will update you on the etymology (that means origin of the word. I’m helping increase your vocabulary, so be thankful.) so the title of this competition will at least make a little bit of sense. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Leeroy%20Jenkins)

This next link will also be helpful- it is a link to a document explaining the rules of the card game Munchkin, a long time favorite of the Ninja Gang and it’s affiliates. (http://www.worldofmunchkin.com/rules/munchkin_rules.pdf) For those of you too lazy to click on this link, Munchkin is a traditional dungeon crawling RPG in card game format. There are cards with treasure, monsters, curses, and random ducks. You know, normal dungeon stuff. First player to kill six monsters, and thereby gain six levels, is the winner. For those of you who don’t know what an RPG is, well, I’m sorry, either pretend you do and keep reading, or google it.

So once the embarrassing display masquerading as a dance contest was over, the Ninja Gang moved onto a friendlier, calmer event. Not. Now, with the Ninja Gang, you have to realize that Munchkin is a very serious game. Alliances and betrayals within this seemingly simple card game have repercussions that carry over into real life. Wrestling matches have ensued, staring contests, games of Rock, Paper, Scissors, even!!

So this was big. We all sat kneeling on the floor, because the odd shape of our table lends its self to peeking at other players’ hands. Now, I’m not going to give you a play by play, or anything, mostly because I don’t remember exactly what happened. I remember Raven was an elf, and that… yeah, that’s all of the minor details. But minor details are boring. Onto the Climax!

The Climax:

Oh, this was good… This Climax will go down in history. And it even has a helpful life lesson included, for extra moral instruction. Seriously, these moments straight out of The Book of Virtues do happen.

So to start off, Zepher won this event. She’s pretty (read: extremely) competitive when it comes to card games, and is a consummate Munchkin player. To make a long story short, well, she kicked everybody’s butt. But of course we must play on for second, third and fourth place, this being a ranking tournament.

It was close. Very close. All of the players were at level five (remember, you need to get six levels to win) which means that the first player to fight a monster and beat it, wins everything. OK, well, they get second place, but still.

Play moved in a circle. It was Raven’s turn. If she drew a monster and managed to beat it, victory was hers… She drew, and it was… A Potted Plant! A monster! (It’s in the game, alright??) What luck! The Potted Plant is only level one, and can’t really do anything to you, you know, being a potted plant and all. Victory was in sight for Raven, but Quiche-kun stepped in and played his card- the Instant Wall. Instantly, a wall sprung between Raven and the ferocious fight she was facing. No!!! The Potted Plant was out of reach She would have to wait an entire round to draw again, and all the players were poised at level five… Raven had failed.

It was Miss Demeanor’s turn. She reached over to the pile of cards. What would it be? And she turned up… 3872 Orcs! Now this might seem like a rather large amount of orcs, and indeed it is a level ten monster, but Miss Demeanor had it handled. With her combined level and various bonuses, she had it beat. And here’s were the good stuff comes.

Everyone was defeated. They had no more cards they could play against her, no more traps that could keep her from winning. She had won, and she knew it. Just to show how awesomely she had overwhelmed those 3871 orcs (apparently one of then chickened out when faced with her might) and how soundly she had beaten the rest of the Gang, she began to load every single one of her one-time-use-only power cards, beefing herself up and up. Potion of Idiotic Bravery, for idiotic bravery. Poisonberry Syrup, for poisoning. Avatar, to create a double and add stats. Magic Missile, to help one kill things in an extra explosive way. I think she got her self up to level 63… way overkill.

And this is when it happened. She was just beginning to celebrate her victory, jumping up on the couch and beginning the traditional Teriyaki Chicken dance (don’t ask) when Hugo quietly asked “that’s what you did? You played all those cards??” “Oh yeah, baby!!!” was the reply. And with that Hugo reached over and read the whole Avatar card she played in her fervor to rub it in everybody’s noses.

Now, Avatar is a great card when you’re facing an overwhelming monster. Basically, it makes you twice as strong as you were by doubling all your stats. Very useful when your facing an angry level 20 Plutonium Dragon, and would otherwise perish in a crunchy manner. However, Avatar has this little… quirk to it. When played and used in combat, one may take all the treasure from the monster, but not gain any levels. One may not gain any levels.

Victory for Miss Demeanor? Down the drain. She lost. And I’m sure you can all grasp the very important lesson that has just been demonstrated in an entertaining manner. Basically, well, I’m sure you get the concept. If you didn’t, go back and read the last few paragraphs again, very slowly.

Since I’ve already used enough words here, I’ll just summarize what actually ended up happening. Hugo got second, Raven third, Miss Demeanor managed to (more humbly this time) make in on her next turn, and Quiche-kun came in last for a meager two points. If you’re worried about poor Quiche-kun, well, don’t. Don’t worry- he distinguishes himself admirably and wins the undying awe of the entire Ninja Gang. Oh, don’t worry about Quiche-kun…

The current standings:

141 Black Ops Forces that are Special: 2 + 8 +2 + 2 = 14 points

Super SHINee Fighting: 10 + 10 + 6 + 4 = 30 points

Zepher: 6 + 4 + 10 + 10 = 30 points

Raven: 4 + 6 + 8 + 6 = 24 points

Ice Dragons: 8 + 2 +4 + 8 =22 points

Zepher is now tied for first place, with everyone else (besides poor Quiche-kun) close behind! What will happen in So you think you’re an otaku? Find out in the next post!


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