The Performance of Doom

(your life depends on it)

Part three of: The Ultra Awesome Mega Super Sparkling Shiny INTER-GALACTIC Radical Stupendous chocolate-dipped Geek Tournament of Olympic Proportions

I recommend you read about the first two events, Switzerland’s Future Mecha Blaster (neutrality included) and Flashing Tulips, so you’re not completely clueless.

Just a brief note: As a personal favor, and to help you engage in the competition, every time you read Performance of Doom, you need to say it all dramatic in your head, like PerFORMance of DOOOOOOOM! With a deep, dramatic announcer’s voice; you know the kind. It’s kind of hard to write how it’s supposed to sound… Practice saying it in your head: PerFORMance of…f… DOOOOOM! Now, you don’t have to do it out loud (people would look at you funny, and if you were at work you might get an official sanity inquiry.) But you need to do this. It adds atmosphere.

The order of the performance of doom: Hugo, Miss Demeanor, Raven, Zepher and Quiche-kun.

Out of curiosity, who are you cheering for? Who do you want to snatch victory out of the jaws of what would otherwise be defeat?

 

Onto the Performance of Doom (do it. It’s fun):

When we designed this tournament, Raven and Zepher decided that we wanted to really foster an intense aura of competition. This wasn’t just some thing you do for fun, wasn’t some silly contest between friends. This is serious. This is real. The fate of one’s self confidence and standing within the Ninja Gang could very well rest on the results… With these thoughts and this kind of intense pressure, the competition spirit wasn’t hard to maintain.

In the waiting room for the performance, we all paced nervously and fidgeted. Hugo didn’t have much time to fidget, as his was the first performance. He went over to the stairs, looked over his shoulder and bid us and nervous farewell, and we never saw him again… well, at least until it was over.

There was sporadic attempts at conversation, which failed miserably. Seriously, this was intense. My friend the rock was back and had lodged himself firmly in my stomach. I feel sorry for poor Quiche-kun, sitting in the waiting room all alone, waiting for his turn to face the judges’ scrutiny…

You’ll notice how carefully I’ve avoided actually telling you what, exactly, the Performance of Doom (remember the dramatic voice) is. I assure you, this is completely on purpose, to try and give you a taste of the excited anticipation we were feeling. Rather than just describing the feeling, I’m building the dramatic tension and carefully exploiting your emotions so you get a fuller experience while reading this post! Isn’t that thoughtful of me? I should get paid for this kind of customer service!

So, the results for the Performance of Doom:

I have to warn you- the boys kinda failed at this one. Go figure.

In fifth place: Quiche-kun. Oh, poor Quiche-kun.

Fourth: Hugo. Told you. The boys were at the bottom.

The tension is building… Will Miss Demeanor take another first, or will she be struck off her throne?!?

Third… Place… Is… Miss Demeanor! An upset! Finally, an event where she didn’t get first place! The other competitors see a glimmer of hope.

Second place: Raven.

If you’re any good at logical deduction or familiar with the process of elimination, you’ve probably figured out that Zepher won first place in this competition.

This leaves the points as follows:

141 Black Ops Forces that are Special: 2 + 8 +2 = 12 points

Super SHINee Fighting: 10 + 10 + 6 = 26 points

Zepher: 6 + 4 + 10 = 20 points

Raven: 4 + 6 + 8 = 18 points

Ice Dragons: 8 + 2 +4 =14 points

Miss Demeanor, with her team Super SHINee Fighting is still in the lead! But a beam of light shines through the clouds for the other competitors. They have hope… The competition heats up in the next installment in the Ninja Gang Geek Tournament of Olympic Proportions, the long anticipated LEROY JENKINS!!! (To be written 2/8/13.)

PS. Did you think that we actually wouldn’t tell you what the performance was? Well, with my supreme dedication to reader service, I wouldn’t neglect that. Get ready for the big reveal… the Performance of Doom was… An impromptu dance competition!! That’s right, folks. The judges went up into a room, picked a random song (All Shook Up, by none other than Elvis) and we were called up in order and forced to dance. And that’s all there is to it.

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