Onto the first event! Honestly, it’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds. We (Zepher and Raven) made the title all pretentious on purpose. Switzerland’s Future Mecha Blaster? Yeah, it’s cool.
Really, it only involved a target made of removable tape on a window, and using a variety of NERF weapons to hit said target. We compiled a, well, a pile, of all of the NERF weapons at my (Zepher’s) house (a surprising amount). Everyone got three bullets. We use the word ‘bullets’ here in it’s loosest possible sense, of course. Little suction cup tipped cylindrical pieces of styrofoam is more accurate.
Anyway, you might be wondering about the neutrality that was so thoughtfully included? Well, we didn’t hit each other, did we? There you go. Neutral. Violence only unto windows.
I’m sure that our multitudes of readers are all on the edges of their seats in anticipation of who won this intense test of arms. Was it Hugo, with his jittery aim working to his advantage? Was it Quiche-kun, with his unnerving habit of carrying around a loaded air soft pistol?
Read on, dear reader. After all, that is what you’re here for.
To make things completely fair, we wrote down all our team names on slips of paper and drew randomly to determine the order of firing. The hat we drew it out of, was of course a cat eared anime cap Raven picked up at a convention. For atmosphere. Always for atmosphere.
(A note on team names: Adding yet more atmosphere to ramp up the intensity of the tournament, all the contestants chose team names in the beginning of the competition. Quiche-kun’s, as you might suspect, was a confusing name to do with the military. 141 Ops Special Forces? 564.5 Division Special Team Go Eagle? I always forgot. I just called his team Ops. Miss Demeanor’s team name was Super SHINee Fighting. Apparently it’s some K-pop thing; her and Raven both cracked up. Raven and Zepher, demonstrating the outer limits of the creativity with which God so thoughtfully imbued them, went with teams Zepher and Raven. Yup. What was I saying about atmosphere?!? Never mind. And Hugo choose the team name Ice Dragon. Go figure- who can fathom the monkey’s mind?)
The Order of the firing… Ops. Zepher. Shinee. Ice Dragon. And Raven.
To start, Quiche-kun chose the biggest gun available. And guess what? No one was surprised. However, this ended up backfiring on his, and to cheesily quote an overused cliche- ‘bigger is not always better”. To his dismay, his chosen blaster of utter neutrality happened to be an automatic Nerf gun (yes, they have them) and it just so happened to be out of batteries. He stepped up to the starting line… and… proceeded to miss every single shot. Ah well, sucks for him, good for us.
Zepher stepped up to the plate next, and chose her own personal Nerf weapon, a well maintained pistol of beauty. All of Hugo’s Nerf guns are in rather wretched condition. He uses them, leaves them to get stepped on, proceeds to step on them, and covers them in duct tape. Hugo has a duct tape fettish. Don’t ask me. Anyway, Zepher takes very good care of her weapons (when there’s Nerf wars in the house-no neutrality- one’s life depends on the accuracy of one’s personal weapon. More on that later, if Zepher feels like it) To make a rambling story short, She hit fairly close to the center on one shot, but one of the other shots hit the target, it was pretty pathetically far from the center. And the other shot? Total miss.
SHINEE: After seeing Zepher’s success, (at least when compared to Quiche-kun’s performance) she also chose Zepher’s pistol to shoot with. And apparently that pistol likes to mix things up, because it served her well, to the point of getting an exact bullseye. The other two shots were pathetic, but still, a bullseye. Way to go, Miss Demeanor.
Ice Dragon: Hugo, next to Quiche-kun, has the most experience in Nerf wars, and was expecting a big success in Switzerland’s shootout. And indeed, he was the first one to actually hit the target all three times! How hard is it hit a freaking three foot target from 12 feet away? Harder than most of us can manage, apparently…
And finally, Raven. Just a quick note about Raven- Raven is not into Nerf wars. Or shooting, or aiming, or facing a gun in the right direction, really. She didn’t expect to do well, and to be perfectly honest, (sorry Raven) she didn’t. (Nerf is just not her thing. Don’t worry about her though, there are plenty more events)
The end results? Zepher and Raven (the administrators of the tournament) went off to consult, and ended up conceding to parental judgement.
First place, for ten points: Miss Demeanor, with Super SHINee Fighting! Because of the bullseye, you see.
Second place, for eight points: Hugo, with the Ice Dragons. Because of the Nerf darts that hit the target, you see.
Third place, for six points: Zepher, with team… Zepher. Because of the shots that were slightly less completely pathetic than Raven’s, you see.
Fourth place, for four points: Raven, with team… Raven. (Why do we even bother?) Because of one shot that hit the target, you see.
and coming in for a sad Fifth place, for two points: Quiche-kun, with the 140 Special Ops Division Forces. Because, well, he didn’t actually hit the target. Which was kinda the point… I assume you see.
Tune in next time for the next exciting installment of The Ultra Awesome Mega Super Sparkling Shiny INTER-GALACTIC Radical Stupendous chocolate-dipped Geek Tournament of Olympic Proportions .
PS. We based the point system on the Dai Matō Enbu (or Grand Magic Games) from Fairy Tail, for those of you who might possibly be wondering. 10 points for first place, 8 points for second place, 6 for third place, 4 for fourth, and 2 for last place.