Something that I wrote for a school assignment (hah! Who said school always involves mundanity? Not the Ninja Gang! Adding surrealism to teachers’ lives since… whenever it is that we formed)
To Whom it May Concern:
I happened to be walking down Main Street seventeen and three-fourths days ago (at the time of writing), and saw your bright red advertisement (with a slight grammatical error in the third row) stating (in no uncertain terms) that your rebellion is in desperate need of a leader. Well, in that matter I believe I can be of some service. While I haven’t lead any rebellions before, I do have some tactical planning expertise; I have read twelve books concerning the tactics used by Caesar Silverburg in the Adiamic Wars (against battering rams and such), as well as studied (quite exhaustively, I might add) General Stickler’s On the Proper and Creative Deployment of Calvary in Foggy Conditions.
On the subject of the other requirement mentioned in you bright red advertisement, I believe I am both charismatic and an excellent cook. I have written exactly fourteen speeches to date, nine of them on inspirational subjects (with various degrees of inspiration resulting). Plus, I believe in learning on the job, and I can quickly adapt in any situation where a rousing speech might be required. I am also a very experienced and and precise cook, with ten years, six months, and three weeks of experience (I began to cook at ten and one half years of age), and I follow all recipes with utmost accuracy. Fernando Pasch (a distinguished battering ram designer, my younger sister, and Dame Huga of Ravensbrook can all attest to the quality of my cooking, as well as any other personal references you might requires.
I hope that you will seriously consider all of my qualifications, and grant me the honor of leading you growing rebellion.
Eiran Galahad Chalice
Bit of a character, isn’t he… So what do you think- should he get the job?