The Death Glare

We recently decided that we were each going to write articles about each other, to give our throngs of readers insight into our characters that they might not otherwise see. As Raven already wrote about Thomas, she gets off easy. And now it is my, Zepher’s, turn to write about my fascinating companion, Raven. (Actually, T gets to write about me. How scary. If she insults me, I think that I will kindly ask her to stop. Like that will do any good at all.)

So, about Raven (and I better make this entertaining, or else it will get boring, and no one will read it, and they will care even less about Raven then they already do. What a lot of pressure…)

She likes anime. Yep. Oh, noticed that already, did you? You abominably clever people. Now I’ll have to come up with something else, dang it. Well, Raven looks all kind and nice, but the truth is that she has something that we like to call the Death Glare. It’s capitalized because it’s on par with an official Anime Attack. So, the Death Glare. She does this thing where she makes her face all, well, you really need a picture to appreciate it. Actually, you would probably need to be on the receiving end to appreciate it fully. Trust me, it’s plenty scary, and she’s never actually used it on me.

It’s main use? Little kids. This may sound awful, but hold on, let me tell you the whole story. Raven doesn’t like little kids- she calls then little snot machines, and other pleasant names like that. She says that they’e sticky, loud, stupid, and they make a mess of everything. Now, I don’t agree with her- I think little kids are great- they’re fun, energetic, and completely honest. But my fondness for little kids has led me to become a bit too… embroiled in their affairs. Now, all the little kids of our school consider it their sacred duty, given to them by Barney himself, to chase me around whenever they see me. Annoying, right? Especially when I’m carrying Lenny* or something. So when Raven and I are there eating lunch, minding our own dang business, the little kids come in and try their best to ‘tag’ me. Which consists of hitting me. While I’m eating!!! Not good, right? So Raven uses her fearsome Death Glare to warn the little twerps away. So it does come in handy, even if it makes the little kids, shall we say, wary of her.

Want to know the really amusing part? Since little kids never actually pay attention to someone’s face or what they’re wearing, they often mistake Raven for me. I think it’s the hair- brown (surprise!) and about the same length. So they’ll want to come talk to me (the older ones. Yeah, I know, the older little kids. I have a lot of friends inside their ranks, okay?) and they’ll end up tugging on Raven’s sleeve instead. Now, I’ve never actually seen this happen (if I was there, the LKs would obviously come talk to me- duh), but I’ve heard her complain about it a bunch. I just think it’s hilarious, and tune her out. Raven, don’t get mad when you read this.

Anything else you all want to know about Raven? Too bad- this document is already around seven hundred words (my, I’m prolific sometimes), and I haven’t even gotten to the conclusion.

The big huge awesome amazing super awesome- used  twice because it’s so awesome. Three times, now- conclusion.

I fart in your general direction!

Hah hah! I remain unvanquished!!!


*Lenny is the name of my stupidly frustrating computer. I don’t get along well with him at all- he has a rather inflated opinion of himself. Actually, I don’t think that people in general are really his thing… He hates them all (I’m pretty much the only one who can actually deal with my computer). Lenny and I have… a working business relationship, and a rather cold one at that. Though I do have a vested interest in his well-being, having so many of my super duper important documents on him, after all. So when we’re traveling, I buckle him into the car. My dad accuses me of having anthropomorphic tendencies. And you know what I say to that?!? Well, yes I do.


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