Yep. You read that right. The Ninja Gang recently hosted the biggest, most Prussia-worthy tournament of, well, pretty much ever. I feel no shame in using the word “epic”. This will go down in the annuals of history. At least, I doubt I will be able to forget it…
Why was it intergalactic? Well, the tournament was open to people on other planets. We even sent an invitation to Mars, though they declined to come. Also, the word ‘inter-galactic’ adds atmosphere and an aura of extra awesomeness. Atmosphere is very important. Write that down, kids, life lesson. Atmosphere.
Zepher, Raven, Hugo, Thomas (he was here! We swear! When will that boy stop experimenting with the invisibility modules?), Miss Demeanor (who is ten and a half), and Quiche-kun.
Intro to Miss Demeanor: This ten- and one-half-year-old is a member of the Vikings, meaning that she goes and pillages surrounding cities into giving up all their pokemon cards. She’s rather spunky and is into K pop. (personally, I prefer T pop. Transylvania Pop)
Intro into Quiche-kun: He’s Prussian. He wants you all to know that. It’s very important. He’s a psychic and knows about conversations that happened while he wasn’t there. Spooky, huh? He’s part ghost. He also would like to say that his favorite food is none of your business. He is a military otaku, and has habits of swearing in different languages.
The House Rules:
Chewing with your mouth open (-1 point)
Locking yourself in the bathroom (long story*) (-1 point)
Pronouncing Japanese words wrong (-1 point)
Taking your shirt off (-2 points)
Spitting *this is not a spittoon* (-2 points)
Not having at least a small amount of fun (-1 point)
And now for the events. We spent hours hours coming up with these…
1) Switzerland’s Future Mecha Blaster (neutrality included)
2) Flashing tulips. Yeah, we know it doesn’t actually tell you anything about it. That was kind of the point.
3) Performance of DOOM!! (your life depends on it)
4) LEROY JENKINS!! You figure it out.
5) So you think you’re an otaku… Also a test of luck.
6) Mustard Eating. The best one of all.
7) The Penultimate Showdown. Rather a letdown after the mustard eating, actually.
8) THE FRIENDLY INVITATIONAL DEATH MATCH FINALE. It was very, very late at night, and we didn’t actually end up doing this one.
In future installments, we will be updating you on the results of each of the competitions, and informing you who is the champion of the entire world.
*Locking yourself in the bathroom: this is a long story. You don’t want to hear (read: read) it. We’re currently keeping a tally of how many people have locked themselves in that bathroom.